Monthly Archives: January 2015

There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present, nor for the future
All I know is that I’m here
Don’t know for how long

I love the way you live so intensely
Enjoy every minute of life
With space to swing
Your arms around laughing loudly

Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I’m strange?
Unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending

There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn’t really exist

The past, the present and the future
Are all side by side, hand in hand
You move and change, yet you go nowhere
Everything stays the same

You stare at me and ask me questions
Makes me nervous
This room, it keeps a constant tone
While I’m on a roller coaster

Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I’m strange?
Unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending

There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn’t really exist

Kate Havnevik – Unlike Me

 

A memory of that moment

Dear Dad,

These past few days have been difficult. On my way home, an ambulance was passing through. I swerved to the left – because i know someone is dying inside there, who needs immediately medical care. And I thought of you. And I remember how the morning smell like for me. You choking, the monitors showing a low oxygen transfusion. It felt like fear, anxiety, smelt like death.

10:49 am – as we watch you die. I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe. And I just kept kissing your cheeks, and only blood and fluid flowed out of your mouth. And I wanted to slap you so you would wake up. And I called your name too many times. I didn’t like how the undertaker handled your body. I didn’t like how they ‘made’ you look happy to be dead.

I didn’t like the crowd that came for the sake of coming to your funeral. I know you would have tell me, at least they came – don’t be too hard on people – can’t expect much from them – we only have our family – they are everything.

 

Many many times, I keep you at the back of my head. Can’t deal with the emotions , still, until to day. Many many times, I catch myself thinking about what food you would have enjoyed, what movies we should have watched together in the cinema , with popcorn of course.We used to watch fireworks together during the New Year – and this year was just pathetic. What a saturday morning would have been, going to the market with you, having breakfast with you, just the two of us.

Owh, how much I love you papa. How much I love you.  Its been 8 months, and I miss you more than ever.

I should have said all my i love yous, right out loud. Owh dad, I’m just a kid, feeling too damn fucking lost.

May you look over me, and place me in crowds that are kind, and patient with me and who loves me, just a fraction of how much you loved me, because i’m starting to feel lonely and think that life is all together a very worthless journey.

 

 

Age is not just a number.

“The things you learn in maturity aren’t simple things such as acquiring information and skills. You learn not to engage in self-destructive behavior. You learn not to burn up energy in anxiety. You discover how to manage your tensions. You learn that self-pity and resentment are among the most toxic of drugs. You find that the world loves talent but pays off on character.

“You come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you; they are thinking about themselves. You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.”

 “Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you. … You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life.”