Monthly Archives: June 2015

Eyes Wide Shut

I see the endless road, with the backdrop of many many trees, where the roads are winding, and the further i go, the higher i get.

Where the air is fresh and cool, and the grass are knee high. Where the sun is smiling, and the stars are shining. The flowers bloom just for you, the birds sing for you.

Where the food keeps you warm, so does the hospitality, the sincere smile. Their kindness reaches to the heavens.

Where everything is just about you and the skies. That’s where happiness is.

Now and Then

I was having a bad day, not like a crazy bad day – I still had a roof over my head, blanket to keep me warm and food to eat bad day.

One of those days, I couldn’t handle the stress and manage my own expectations of myself and what others were expecting of me. So I wanted to tell myself that I was not enough, not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim, not smart enough, or fast and efficient enough.

Don’t ask why, but when you start, it just gets worst.

And I know that road too damn well. So before I start suffocating myself. I looked around me. Then I closed my eyes and tried to recall dad’s voice, and how he would call everyday and ask about my day. So I dug a little deeper, imagine what the conversation might have entailed.

He said,

“You’re good enough, good daughter, pretty enough, the smartest, the fastest, you’re my girl.”

And I drove home, knowing that. Trying to accept another dimension of myself, even when I don’t feel it.

Miss you dad.

Death; wow. So fucking hard to bear, when the few people you cannot live without die. You will never get over these losses, and are not supposed to. All I can say it that, it doesn’t go away. Your pain type might change from a distinct sharp pain, to a dull and mellow pain. We Christians like to think death is a major change of address, but in any case, the person will live fully again in your heart, at some point, and make you smile at the MOST inappropriate times, and make you feel terribly empty at certain intervals as well. But their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you, almost like a dream that you wished you would wake up from. All truth is a paradox. Grief, friends, time and tears will heal you. Tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate you and the ground on which you walk.

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we’ll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won’t have to drive too far
Just ‘cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man’s got a problem
He live with the bottle that’s the way it is
He says his body’s too old for working
I say his body’s too young to look like his
but mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody’s got to take care of him
So I quit school and that’s what I did

You got a fast car
is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

So I remember when we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

Be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain’t got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You’ll find work and I’ll get promoted
We’ll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

So I remember when we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

Be someone

You got fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I’d always hoped for a better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain’t going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

So I remember when we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

Be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way